Song for Desmond

Way down yonder close to Milton Keynes
They lead the sort of life you see in magazines
Inside a rabbit hutch made of bricks and glass
There lives a little dream called Shangri-La
Who never ever learned to use a hammer or a plane
But she could be a super shopper
Hubby drives a white Sierra
Flashing lights behind you knee jerk salesman
Down the outside lane
But what does she do when the lights go out
Or the heating won't co-operate
And hubby is away on business
And won't get back till late
No problem ,cos she's..

Got a little man who comes and does things
Got a little man who's there at her call
He'll paint a cupboard door, put wires on plugs
With his little tap, tap and his brick out of the wall
Doesn't cost a bomb, he knows his place
Always tidies up without leaving a trace
It's just between me and you
The things that little man can do
They say he can perform the most amazing stunts
They say he even knitted his own Y-fronts.

She brings back all her shopping down the cul-de-sac
Checks her shoes for doggy poos and starts to unpack
Loads of Marks and Spencers' £9.99
Going to take this back and give a piece of her mind
Complains about the council not picking up the leaves
While hubby plays for high stakes
And goes for maximum breaks
Hatching schemes and making dreams
With ways and means not excluding
Funny hand shakes
But she's no Venus in Battledress
Carries no Swiss Army blade
And when the key won't turn because the lock's too stiff
Who'll come to her aid
NO need to worry 'cos..

She's got a little man...

He carries his tools in a little blue van
Just like he did when they first began
He whistled while he worked
She made a cup of tea
They went somewhere private to talk about money
She tells her friends about him
While her hair is being dried
What would she do without him
How would she get through
She says one day his name will be in lights
He even says his aitches when he remembers to
He's so loyal he almost wags his tail
Faithful like old Gunga Din
And just like the US Cavalry
He'll always come steaming in
No, no, no problem 'cos she's

Got a little man who comes and does things...