Monty, when Mr Brown comes home on the 6.20,
He rattles his 'Times' ands always finds
A sabre toothed crocodile,
I really love your virtuoso sausage concerto style,
Monty, Monty, there's no need to wag your pedigree..
Cos if your bite is as big as your bark,
You'd soon make fish fingers from a tiger shark,
Monty, I'll see you in my dreams..

Monty, a ring around the moon and you get uptight..
A winter;s morn a frosty lawn you do look a sorry hound,
All your assets will get frozen just an inch above the ground,
Monty, Monty, well I don't give a damn about those lamp-post blues...

'Cos if the toe of my boot could just find the right place ,
You'd be the first chipolata in outer space, oh, Monty, I'll see you in my dreams, yes I will, because you said so, Monty, I'll see you in my dreams.